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From societal pressures to standardized tests, kids are getting the message that failure is not an option. At best, this message drives kids to improve. At worst, less-than-perfect performance or behavior leaves young ones feeling inferior or worthless.

So what can you as a parent do to teach your children that failure is an option and doesn’t reflect on their value?

Point out the positive in the situation. In almost every situation, there is a positive element to be found. However, the disappointment of failure can overshadow this message. That’s where you come in. Encourage your child to work through the failure and find the silver lining. If, for example, your child gets a lesser role in a play than what they auditioned for, try discussing his or her ability to both memorize lines and to speak in public. Have him or her imagine the fun to be had during rehearsals. Speak to the experience that will be gained for future roles.

Speak to your child’s positive qualities. Maybe he or she isn’t an athlete, which may seem like the end of the world after a disappointing football or softball tryout. Chances are, your child excels in other areas, whether it’s another sport, academics, music or the arts. Try redirecting your child’s focus. In the tryout example, perhaps you can remind your child of how much time he or she spends studying to make good grades, leaving less time to focus on athletics. No matter what your child struggles with, there are other areas that may suit them better.

Discourage comparison. It’s common to compare one’s weaknesses to another person’s strengths. If you hear your child doing so, a gentle reminder that he or she has unique attributes in other areas may be helpful. 

Teach perseverance. The harder the fall, the greater the lesson. From learning the piano to passing a grade, you can use setbacks as a teaching tool that practice makes perfect. Encourage your child to visualize success and work hard to get there. Identify the obstacles and develop a plan of attack. 

Set an example. Children are often sheltered from their parents’ failures. If you were able to communicate disappointments in your own life and practice the tips above, perhaps your children would adopt your positive attitude—a win-win situation for everyone!

Remember that your children will grow into adults who will need to gracefully cope with being second best at times. The ability to accept failure also removes a degree of pride, which helps individuals to humbly accept success as well.